And so it begins...

Why gupshup with chai?

Because honestly the thing I miss the most of all is precisely that! I desperately miss chatting with people over copious amounts of teh-c & masala chai & chai tea lattes! 

The kind of conversation that starts when the sun is still high in the sky & we're talking about work & relationships to when the sun dips just below the horizon and we move onto conversations of life, love & such.

At times the conversation would follow wee into the late night accompanied by martinis, margaritas & cosmopolitans...but then again that was a different life altogether no?

For now, let's begin with some gupshup over chai 😊

Back Yet Again!

And I'm back to blogging! After a 2 year gap this time. What is it about blogging, writing that keeps pulling me back again & again? Well, whatever it is, I am happy to be back! And with so many changes to boot!

First & foremost is the addition of the biggest relationship title of my life ever, Mother! Yes I am now the proud mother of the delightfully loud & gorgeous little girl! Joining Sunshine & Bumblebee, the newest feature of this blog is my darling little one!

Wow has life changed. Questions of life & marriage & partnership now meander to questions of parenting, philosophy, the kind of child I want to raise and the right amount of push I want to give for her to achieve milestones organically! Isn't it funny how we live in a generation where we are already talking about milestones for a mere 8 month old. And yet thats the society we live in today. Comparisons run galore right from birth!
The challenge & mission in all of this is to respect the child as a whole human being, as someone who is capable of learning, understanding and emoting the full range of life that we as adults do.

To my sweet little one, I dedicate myself to, learning, growing, evolving as only mothers can do. Each time she places her tiny little hand on my bosom as we nurse, she unlocks another piece of my heart, warms yet another wall and fills me up with serenity the likes of which i always chased and never could manage to experience wholly.

I love you Sweetheart, Unconditionally, Irrevocably, Undeniably, Forever. :)

Life & Questions

How do you define space in a marriage? How do you define abilities in a marriage? If you are not good at a certain skill or couldn't care less re it, is it right for your partner who cares so much more about it to keep harping on it? To make judgements, to try to 'improve' the other? To constantly talk about it, as if life would be impossible without?

How do you define what is acceptable to 'nag' about and what isn't? 

*sigh* life is never without questions is it?

Growing up

My bumblebee is growing up...today he says, "I think we should sell my car in the next year or so...start looking into it! Gotta plan for kids na?" Awwww, yes my love - we gotta grow up...perhaps start with replacing your beloved sports car for a sensible option!

I love you babe! *hugz*

Kids!

Having kids is like this unimaginable ocean of emotions, responsibilities and discipline! There are days when I see N's toothy smile or S's warm hugs that it all seems worth that tiny little moment and then there are days when the loudness of it all is terrifying and the responsibility feels insurmountable! And then there's the keepin yourself straight part. How do I think I'll be able to manage a child, when there are days I'm still struggling to manage a house & a husband & studying & school. To add a child in this equation, will I be stretching myself too thin??

Will the constant fears ever end??

Month Long Travels!

Phew! Its been a full month since we left for vacation! 5 cities & 3 different temperatures! Countless new experiences and new places seen! It has been amazing - sort of hard to even chronicle but I will attempt to as much as I can! :)

Dubai - oh the pleasure of being in a country closer to Asia! Even tho Dubai is so different culture wise from Indo or India...its probably similar in terms of lifestyle to what I grew up with. The convenience of drivers & the stark difference between the working class n service class. It really reminded me of home and made me realize how different US is. Traveling to one of these places & seeing it anew through my US-tinted glasses def made an impact. The city is modern beauty - with its gorgeous high rise buildings & city-like malls! Squashed amidst this modernity is also old Dubai with its gold souks, spice souks & local streets which are not so sophisticated & where the men just stare that much longer at a girl in shorts! lol. somethings will never change in some parts of the world i guess? *shrug*

The awesome part of Dubai was the extreme relaxation me & Bumblebee got to do! We would step out during the day, see a few things, come back exhausted n pass out for a few hours only to wake up starving, close to midnight n try to scrounge some dinner place! it was amazing! Ohhh and i looooove hotels in the Asian part of the world! Somehow any hotel I've been to in the US, isn't able to match the opulence & sheer comfort in that part of the world! Such bliss! :)

India - India was a mixed bag of emotions. The sister-in-laws wedding was sooo much fun! Just catching up with the whole family & getting to see a wedding from this side of the family. The days were long & the nights even longer with conversations stretching late into the night...only to wake up the next morning for more! It was really a wonderful time to be in India. The mixed bag was with dad's health complications. Even tho everything went off wonderfully well, there is now this fear planted (locked deep inside a chest in my heart coz i don't think I could survive & function everyday without) in my heart and just this slap-in-your-face realization that the parents are growing old. Missed V a lot. Wish he would have been there. Having Bumblebee was a godsend - i don't think i would have the courage to deal with everything otherwise!

But there were precious moments spent with my parents n with my in-laws which i will always treasure! And the best gift, having the sis in law a few house away in this part of the world! All which ended the trip on a happy note! :)

New York - was a trip of friends!! Meeting K after forever was sooooo good! I cannot believe its been 2 years since we met! Time really does fly when you are super involved in your own lives!! This time Bumblebee n her husband also bonded which was nice for us to both see! :) I am looking forward to such trips being planned for the rest of our lives with 1 n then 2 kinds in tow! ;) lol! *touchwood* And i also got to meet V! I met him at our wedding last & that really does not count! He is still the same boy i remember from col altho he professes to have grown up! i do miss him n it was amazing to hang out with him!

Of course the weather in NY was the warmest when I was there - I have like the worst luck when it comes to seeing snow!! :( There were teeny tiny flurries one of the evenings when we were at Rockefeller center & I was just left thinking how awesome it would be if it actually snowed!! Ohh and we finally did the walk to Central Park! I finally saw all the awesome places in the park where they keep shooting films! It was very pretty but I bet is even prettier in the summer/ fall! It was overall a really fun trip!! :)

Phew - it was an amazing trip! Leaving you with a pic of how I felt throughout the month!! :D

Duplicate Me!!

I need a duplicate me, with a little more brain. And all the answers. Because the original me is a little lost. And has no answers and is so so confused. There are so many sides to this. And I don't know who is right and who isn't. And I especially don't know if I'm being 'influenced' by one or another to make the moves and the decisions that I have made so far. Everything is a question right now. And I need answers. Who do I ask? The ones I can, they each have their own axe to grind so to say. And no one on the outside could even begin to understand and sort through the myriad of emotions that I'm feeling on a daily basis. 

So I need me. A duplicate me. A duplicate me with some answers. Any ideas on where I can go find myself?

*updated* why am I still asking questions n unsure of so many things in life?!? Isn't life supposed to get easier at some point!!!!

Girlfriends!

Saturday was one of the rare girls night outings I went out for. I had class the whole day and bumblebee had a bachelor party to attend in the evening. After dilly-dallying, finally made plans with some of my friends from class! On my drive to the restaurant, I was sooo excited! After such a long time, to be out with a bunch of girls talking about random nonsense over drinks - I've missed this! And even tho I missed bumblebee quite a bit, it was nice to have the space to be with just my friends! 

As we talked about random nonsense that only 5 drunk girls can talk! And we laughed and laughed. I was high more on the company than the drinks that we all inhaled! :P

I miss my girlfriends. I miss talking about random nonsense. I miss bitching about our respective others, whether they r husbands or boyfriends! I miss the sex jokes which can only be so much fun in a group of girls! And the TMI that at least one of us (if not more) will indulge in! Lol! 

*clink* here's to girlfriends! :)