Pre-Wedding Jitters!!

A week from today I will be at the eve of my wedding. My wedding. Wow. It seems so unreal. I think of Bumblebee & there is no doubt in my mind that he is the person I want to tie myself to for the rest of my life. I think of everything else & my step falters. Leaving home, being part of a new home, new rules, new expectations, a new country & def a new life. All this is scary. Part of me is excited & wants to stop worrying & over thinking! Part of me is terrified that I'm not thinking enough. That I should know how to be, how to act, what to say by now.

There should be classes on this. How to leave your own house & enter another's & make that your own. Really, I'm sure lessons on this would have helped me far more than stupid history & geography!

*sigh* God, give me strength. And hold my hand please? I need you right now...

And thus ends another year...

....and what a year its been!!! *phew*

K's wish for me at the beginning of this year was that 2011 brings me happiness, clarity & peace and suffice to say true to her words, by the end of 2011; I've found all three! I had one of the best NYE's in a long long time and I'm hoping that its a sign of the super awesome year that 2012 is gonna be! :D

Its been a whirlwind 2011! My resolutions last year mostly revolved around finding myself & figuring out what direction my life was taking. Its been a year of ups & downs. The year began with me very conflicted. A fight with the parents at the beginning of the year is really not the way you want to start your new year!! That was definitely super sucky. That & other things just did not bode a very well beginning. I'm very superstitious about beginnings and a conflicted new year's just makes me wary!

Offsetting all the unpleasantness was the best friend's marriage announcement! Its funny how life moves at such a fast pace sometimes..!! Her wedding pre-planning and all the looong conversations around this brought a different perspective to my life. All the stuff that I had agreed to for my parents sake last year started making practical sense as I heard her go through the same thought process. The reasons for, the reasons against, the pros, the cons, the good, the bad & the ugly...we dissected all of it in a span of a few months. And I think grew up in that process...or at least I did! (K seems to have been born mature! :P) I was now jumping off the cliff willingly, because I wanted to; and not because someone else thought it was the right thing to do or the right time to take the plunge. And that made all the difference in the world.

Enter Bumblebee and life has certainly been a roller coaster. From having no clue to what I wanted in the beginning of this year or even what direction I should be steering my life in; to being engaged to the best possible person I could have ever found for myself - life's done a complete backflip on me. And I couldn't be happier. The rightness of this decision, the positivity & happiness around everything scares me sometimes. I haven't felt this free-falling in love with my heart wide open in a long long time and this time there is no back door & no parachute to save me. Will I fall gracefully, enjoying every moment of my ride or will I have a nasty fall complete with bumps & bruises - only time will tell. For now i'm just enjoying the exhilarating feel of the open wind in my hair & his love in my heart! :)

2011, you've been a life changer of a year. 2012, I sense you will bring with it many more challenges for me as I get adjusted to this whole new landscape that I'm entering in. A new family, in-laws, so many more relationships to hold, so much room for mistake, so much love that ive gotten. I wonder if every new beginning has its share of good & not-so-good? I wonder if the not-so-good is thrown in, so you don't have any unreasonable expectations from the rest of the chapter. I'm treading carefully but steadily into a new life. God, be with me and give me the strength to not make mistakes. To be strong & to be smart. To know what the right path is always; and to never forget myself. To be loved and to give lots of love. Mostly, to be happy.

Resolutions for 2012:

- Travel, travel & travel. I never get tired of putting this on my resolution list! There i so much more in the world to see! Sweetheart, I hope you're reading this! :P

- Try something new. I've done Life Sciences & Banking - maybe its time to try something else? I'd love to just learn something new. The some bit of cooking that I did over the past month has been quite fun and I'd love to try my hand at something else creative - even though I'm pretty sure I have no creative bone in my body!

- Stay myself. Love people. Forgive people. Look for the best in them. Stop finding motives. Stop suspecting. You never did that in the past - why start now? (Try not to be too naive tho as mom would pitch in here!)

- Don't underestimate yourself. You're capable of a lot more than you think you are. Try and push the edges. Step out of your comfort zone. You made one huge change and got to where you are today. 2012 is going to be full of changes - embrace them. Learn from them!

Hello 2012, I hope you treat me well. :)

The Kind Of Love That Saves You

I started to re-read this book. It's been one of my favorites ever since I got hold of it agess back. It's the story of this woman who loses her husband while she is pregnant and how she fights the grief of losing him to learn to live again for her daughter. It's a beautiful book, written amazingly well.

I started reading the prologue;

Every persons journey is touched by loss. At some point in this life, someone will be taken away from you. The place where they were....empty. What you hoped might be....gone. Grief will reach in and wrap its roots tightly around your heart. You'll believe the pain will end you.

And I couldn't go on. Maybe now that I have someone to potentially lose, I can't read on. A shiver runs through my spine just imagining what it would be like to lose so much. I can't even imagine. It's beyond my capacity to think.

I love you bumblebee. Stay safe. I wonder if my life could possibly go on without you? And then I just pray I never ever have to find out.

Day 8: Burgers & Day 9: Pakoda ki Kadhi

Randomness!

Its 1am and I'm so not sleepy! Being absolutely jobless has its downside and boredom is one of them! I've spent enough time stalking random people on fb; for once im actually updated on all the emails I have to write to various people and Bumblebee has a suuper busy workday!

I was going through some old docs on my emails & found this unfinished story. I generally suck at writing fiction; the whole balance between narration & active dialogues is something I never got the hang of completely...but i actually like this one...perhaps I should actually finish it! Now if I could only remember what direction the story was supposed to take!

The Jump - August 2008

"Matt, catch me okay? Promise me you'll catch me..." She giggled as she ran towards the tanker.

She was walking through swirls of fog, the cold mist clinging to her skin and clothes. She held out her hand and realized that she couldnt even see past in. It was almost like being in a steam room, albeit a cold one. Dark moonless nights like these were when the heroine in the book was always attacked.

"Oh snap out of it Sandy...there is nothing sinister about this place...in fact its almost magical!" She muttered under her breath.

Carefully stepping out of her shoes she started to climb the creaking ladder which would take her atop the tanker. She could hear Matt, Dave and his new girl-friend in the background. Their voices were being carried by the fog around her and though she couldnt see them, she was suddenly glad for their voices.

"Come on Sandy...I'm freezing my ass here...will you do it already!" she heard Dave complain.

Typical she thought. "Hold on will you - these steps are slipperly!"

Gingerly she climbed the steps and reached her destination. The top of the tanker. She stood up there, the swirls of fog beneath her, the twinkling city lights like a golden carpet beckoning her and she felt bliss. Pure untarnished bliss. She prepared to jump, poising herself on the very edge of the tanker.

"Matt, you're down there right? I'm jumping!!"

"Babe i'm here for you. I'm waiting." That was all the encouragement Sandy needed.

She jumped.

Me, You & Wifi*...

...the modern love story!

So apparently what is absolutely essential to complete a love story in this generation is wifi! Lol! Technology has been super frustrating since I got to jkt. Given the clear reception that Sg phone services have; I'm superbly frustrated by the crappy reception in Indo. And for some reason this reception is only crappy with US! Talk about annoyingggg!!! We circumvented the phone line & realized that skype was working far better in terms of quality of conversation! And then what happens? My wifi starts acting up! Since last weekend, my wifi has been all wonky! Randomly connecting & disconnecting as it deems fit! I swear I miss the technology of a developed country! How am I supposed to have rambling conversations now? *sigh*

*courtesy Bumblebee :))

Day 7: Kathi Roll & Chocolate Sponge Cake

Today was an interesting combination of healthy vs non-healthy food! Kathi Roll is one of Bumblebee's favourite dishes so learning that was kind of mandatory! :D

Baking - i absolutely love doing! I used to love watching mom bake as a kid. And in my opinion, the best part of baking a cake - is eating raw batter!! There is seriously nothing better than that! :D

I really want to learn a few more baking items - at some point, brownies & chocolate chip cookies as well! :)) Brownies reminds me of that scene from "Life as We Know It" where Katherine Heigl & Josh Duhamel (who btw is ultra ultra cute!) make magic brownies! Now that's one thing i would not mind trying at some point! :P

Anyways, pics from today!