Back Yet Again!

And I'm back to blogging! After a 2 year gap this time. What is it about blogging, writing that keeps pulling me back again & again? Well, whatever it is, I am happy to be back! And with so many changes to boot!

First & foremost is the addition of the biggest relationship title of my life ever, Mother! Yes I am now the proud mother of the delightfully loud & gorgeous little girl! Joining Sunshine & Bumblebee, the newest feature of this blog is my darling little one!

Wow has life changed. Questions of life & marriage & partnership now meander to questions of parenting, philosophy, the kind of child I want to raise and the right amount of push I want to give for her to achieve milestones organically! Isn't it funny how we live in a generation where we are already talking about milestones for a mere 8 month old. And yet thats the society we live in today. Comparisons run galore right from birth!
The challenge & mission in all of this is to respect the child as a whole human being, as someone who is capable of learning, understanding and emoting the full range of life that we as adults do.

To my sweet little one, I dedicate myself to, learning, growing, evolving as only mothers can do. Each time she places her tiny little hand on my bosom as we nurse, she unlocks another piece of my heart, warms yet another wall and fills me up with serenity the likes of which i always chased and never could manage to experience wholly.

I love you Sweetheart, Unconditionally, Irrevocably, Undeniably, Forever. :)

India's Daughter

Tears running down, can't stop, can't think, can't believe, can't breathe.
A gut wrenching watch! :'(

Life & Questions

How do you define space in a marriage? How do you define abilities in a marriage? If you are not good at a certain skill or couldn't care less re it, is it right for your partner who cares so much more about it to keep harping on it? To make judgements, to try to 'improve' the other? To constantly talk about it, as if life would be impossible without?

How do you define what is acceptable to 'nag' about and what isn't? 

*sigh* life is never without questions is it?

Growing up

My bumblebee is growing up...today he says, "I think we should sell my car in the next year or so...start looking into it! Gotta plan for kids na?" Awwww, yes my love - we gotta grow up...perhaps start with replacing your beloved sports car for a sensible option!

I love you babe! *hugz*

WHY?!?

Will the blackmail ever stop? Will the undercutting and emotional drama ever cease? Am I going to victim to yet another temper tantrum just because things are not going your way? Are things never ever going to change? Will you never grow up and be an adult? Someone who can talk, reasonably & objectively? Someone who understands the word empathy...of walking a mile in another's shoe...of understanding perspectives!!! 

When the f*ck are you going to grow up?! Why can't u just talk to me instead of throwing a fit and taunting?!?

And why am I here again, a mature 27 year old, in tears because of what you said, yet again.

Why why why why why why why why???

Heart Melting happened...!!

When I went to school today late in the afternoon (a time and a day when I'm usually in my other school). My almost 3 yr old addddorable child walks up to me having just woken up from nap and rushed towards me saying, "I've missed you Mishu!!!" And followed those words with a biiiiiiiig bear hug!!!! Oh sweetheart, you just made my day, my week & my month!!! *melting in mush*

This is why I would not give up what I do for anything! 😊

Kids!

Having kids is like this unimaginable ocean of emotions, responsibilities and discipline! There are days when I see N's toothy smile or S's warm hugs that it all seems worth that tiny little moment and then there are days when the loudness of it all is terrifying and the responsibility feels insurmountable! And then there's the keepin yourself straight part. How do I think I'll be able to manage a child, when there are days I'm still struggling to manage a house & a husband & studying & school. To add a child in this equation, will I be stretching myself too thin??

Will the constant fears ever end??